instagram isnt a safe space for me

I've been having a bad relationship with instagram. It's just me and my habits of spending and watching too much stuffs on instagram. I always get hooked onto the explore page and well once I start clicking on 1, it will just continue on. I once actually just sat down looking at that for almost 3 hours. Can you believe how much of my time is spent on that. 

Last few years, especially during my school years I decided to use it as a platform to share. But more recently I find it even more difficult to share because I just don't find the meaning of sharing stuffs on there and only want to post meaningful things. 

Like who would care what I had for lunch, or what I'm cooking or what I'm doing today. Like why do I do that. For influencers yes because that can be the platform of them promoting or doing their work. But not me. 

This year especially because I was spending so much time on there, I actually mute so many people who I don't think I need to view their content. I don't find the need to keep updated on what they are up to and I only view the stories or posts of the most important people. I unfollowed a lot of insta shops and influencers who are always promoting something. 

I do realise that I might have been influenced by people or comparing myself on there so I decided to go on insta detox from time to time and just activating it back when I've got something to share or post. 

Though recently I find myself creating and uploading videos on youtube, I find it enjoyable and some has some meaning behind it. I just love doing it. The process of filming, editing and uploading it on youtube. I try my best not to care about the number of views or likes and comparing it to others. I want it to be a hobby that I enjoy and something that doesn't place a certain pressure on me. 

I think the past few videos I placed a pressure on myself to upload on Sundays 2pm. However, for when I went out on Saturday and wanting to post that video, I had to rush the process of editing and sleeping late on that Saturday night. The feeling to wake up on Sunday morning is just so yucky and I don't feel good throughout the day. Even after I uploaded the video, I don't feel the satisfaction like when I did the first few times enjoying the editing process because that's where I love the most. 

I've probably rambled away from talking about instagram. Nevertheless, it's really hard for me to delete my instagram account because I have so much memories on there especially during my exchange times and travel memories. For future travels and memorable events, I decided that I will be filming videos and probably uploading them on youtube instead because I much prefer it that way. Maybe I will share on instagram, but probably more on photos. 

I really want it to be positive experience and using the application with a meaning rather than posting without a meaning or just for show :')